im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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