This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
