she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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