so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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