What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
this just has baby written all over it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
