Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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