idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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