I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
