im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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