I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
