She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
