Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
