he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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