Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
