I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
