It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
