she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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