How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize