never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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