Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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