I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
