omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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