I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
