Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
