So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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