I look better un-naked...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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