don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
