What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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