after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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