I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
