You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize