he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
