My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
