You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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