in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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