I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
