Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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