my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
