The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
