he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
