Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I smell like Dick and happiness
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
