I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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