Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
