did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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