I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
