Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I will pee on everything he values.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
