as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
