it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
And then he peed in my hair
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