atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize