I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
