I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
