i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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