Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
