the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize