I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
