Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
