funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
