If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i out mim tonsoeep
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