What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
