Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
