my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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