Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
