It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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