There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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