how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
