my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
