If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
