3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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