I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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