Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
